Reflections, Three Years Without You

 

     Three years ago today my life changed in ways I could have never imagined. A storm began, and I
had the choice to fight through it and become better, or let it knock me down permanently and become bitter. Today I reflect, grieve, and find the things to be thankful for. Today I refresh my path choice of better.

     To say that I'm still the same person I was then would be completely wrong. My life was turned upside down and was rocked for a very long long time, one does not come out of that completely unchanged. Yes part of me is still here under it all, but better things emerged out of the ashes.

Long Time No See

April 2013, Central Minnesota

   

     I had a discussion the other day with my significant other that I really should be using this more often. I realized I work much better with a deadline to hit than I do just doing things in my own time. I hadn't realized it had been so long since I have actually posted something. I'm surprised at myself that I posted nothing in 2013. I have a bunch of posts I started but never went back to finish and publish.

October 15th

Image courtesy of I Am A Mother To An Angel

Everyone knows it's Breast Cancer Awareness month, but sharing the month is an equally important cause, Pregnancy and Infant Awareness month. I have been touched by both.

Angelversary

Sorry for the gap between posts, sometimes life gets in the way and it's hard to find inspiration.




Today I reflect back on October 1, 2011...

How much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

Sunblock or not?

Reader request: The harms of sunblock

2010 Eastern Wisconsin

My first thought was as with most issues, to weigh the facts and take the lesser of two evils. It's common knowledge the negative effects of sun exposure can cause painful burns, premature aging and even worse, cancer. It's hard to measure at what level is safe exposure. Some people can overdo it and never have a negative effect, while others can spend fifteen minutes outside and be sent running for some aloe relief or to the doctor getting a strange spot removed and biopsied. We know we do need some sun exposure to soak up that wonderful vitamin D, that helps with essential body functions, regulate our mood, and so on, and that only supplementing isn't always as effective at it. However it is believed you can still get your vitamin D with sunblock on. Unless you can avoid ever leaving the house during daylight hours, avoiding sun exposure completely is impossible, and why would you want to either.

Mother's Day - A Story of Another Kind of Mother and Loss

This post is inspired by another blog post that I ran across on Facebook... messymiddle.com - an open letter to pastors a non mom speaks about mothers day

I want to take a moment to thank her for saying what other's may be afraid to say. While I'm sure the pastor didn't intentionally try to make anyone feel bad, it really does make you stop and think.

It reminded me of past mother's day's, and the bitterness that sometimes swept across me thinking that I thought I would have children by now, but life doesn't always work out as planned. Everyone that really knows me has told me what a good mom I would be, someday. It also reminded me of a Facebook post last year where a friend was wishing all the mother's out there a happy mother's day. I was being half smart-ass and half serious when I commented do fur babies count? I didn't think I would get a response, but I really didn't think I would get a straight out "No". It stung, not only because I think they do count, because to me they are my babies, but it was another harsh reminder that the thing I wanted most in my life I still hadn't gotten, and at the time I didn't see it happening anytime soon.

Taken at Munsinger Gardens, St. Cloud, MN Summer 2011

This mother's day hurt's even more. I wasn't planning on getting into this so early in my blog, but it has been a big part of my life in the past seven months, so why not get it out into the open. I haven't told a lot of people, but I don't really feel like it should feel like a big bad dark secret either. Those reading this that know me that haven't been told may have already figured it out, to other's this may come as a surprise.

DISCLAIMER: Parts of this post may be slightly graphic or disturbing for the squeamish, and you may need tissues.