Reflections, Three Years Without You

 

     Three years ago today my life changed in ways I could have never imagined. A storm began, and I
had the choice to fight through it and become better, or let it knock me down permanently and become bitter. Today I reflect, grieve, and find the things to be thankful for. Today I refresh my path choice of better.

     To say that I'm still the same person I was then would be completely wrong. My life was turned upside down and was rocked for a very long long time, one does not come out of that completely unchanged. Yes part of me is still here under it all, but better things emerged out of the ashes.

October 15th

Image courtesy of I Am A Mother To An Angel

Everyone knows it's Breast Cancer Awareness month, but sharing the month is an equally important cause, Pregnancy and Infant Awareness month. I have been touched by both.

Angelversary

Sorry for the gap between posts, sometimes life gets in the way and it's hard to find inspiration.




Today I reflect back on October 1, 2011...

How much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

A Take on Health Care Reform

I'm sure pretty much everyone has heard the news by now that congress passed the new healthcare  reform bill here in the United States. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet since I don't know all the details, but I am interested to see what happens. I know there are a lot of varying opinions, and that many of them are uninformed ones.

Capital Building, Madison, Wisconsin 2010

First of all lets get this straight, it is not "FREE" health care like the systems set up in other countries where everyone is taxed a fair amount and everyone is entitled to receive the same quality of health care. It is still going to be private insurance, it's just that government is trying to take more control over it. From what I understand it will be beneficial to many, and in basic theory it sounds like a mostly good idea, but I still think there are going to be people that will lose out, especially after going over some of the details that have been released.

5 Internet Pet Peeves

I see it time and time again, and even though I shouldn't let these silly little things bug me, sometimes they get under my skin a little. It gets even sadder if you call them on it they argue about it just furthering the  illiteracy and ignorance. While the internet has become a valuable source for some things such as having all that information available to you at your fingertips, and keeping in touch with those you wouldn't be able to other wise, it has also become a breading ground for stupidity. On many things for me I think it boils down to I'm a huge fan of truth, and sometimes I can get carried away when something other than truth is being spread.

Mother's Day Fall-Out

http://unspokengrief.com/break-your-silence/?page=i&id=351

"It's amazing how grieving the loss of a child turns into also grieving the loss of people you thought were friends"

The words I never thought I would have to say, but I wrote that, and I refuse to be silenced anymore.

I had a sad moment at the end of the day on Mother's Day when I realized no one I expected to acknowledge I was a mom did. I had one friend, whom I had said it to first, and the lovey commenter on my previous post. In that sad moment I posted on Facebook "Nobody bothers to acknowledge the mother without her child...". I was just venting in the moment never expected anything from it, little did I know I would spend the next two days being ripped apart with drama over it.

Mother's Day - A Story of Another Kind of Mother and Loss

This post is inspired by another blog post that I ran across on Facebook... messymiddle.com - an open letter to pastors a non mom speaks about mothers day

I want to take a moment to thank her for saying what other's may be afraid to say. While I'm sure the pastor didn't intentionally try to make anyone feel bad, it really does make you stop and think.

It reminded me of past mother's day's, and the bitterness that sometimes swept across me thinking that I thought I would have children by now, but life doesn't always work out as planned. Everyone that really knows me has told me what a good mom I would be, someday. It also reminded me of a Facebook post last year where a friend was wishing all the mother's out there a happy mother's day. I was being half smart-ass and half serious when I commented do fur babies count? I didn't think I would get a response, but I really didn't think I would get a straight out "No". It stung, not only because I think they do count, because to me they are my babies, but it was another harsh reminder that the thing I wanted most in my life I still hadn't gotten, and at the time I didn't see it happening anytime soon.

Taken at Munsinger Gardens, St. Cloud, MN Summer 2011

This mother's day hurt's even more. I wasn't planning on getting into this so early in my blog, but it has been a big part of my life in the past seven months, so why not get it out into the open. I haven't told a lot of people, but I don't really feel like it should feel like a big bad dark secret either. Those reading this that know me that haven't been told may have already figured it out, to other's this may come as a surprise.

DISCLAIMER: Parts of this post may be slightly graphic or disturbing for the squeamish, and you may need tissues.